So why bother with a long term relationship?
Geplaatst op 07-02-2023
This article was originally published on Loveawake dating site. Reprinted with permission from the author.
SEX MARKET PLACE
The SMP and the hormones and stuff arent there so you can have true love. They are there to help you breed and to maximize your offspring’s survival.
You dont get a boner when you see a hot girl because you want true love. You dont want to compete and prove and you dont get all the angst and all the drive that lets you do wonderful, and often stupid stupid things for “girls” so you can have true love.
At the same time, status is for girls what hotness is for guys. Or, hotness, from the girl’s point of view, it’s a compendium of many things, where physical appereance is just one important trait among many other important traits.
Just to touch the tip of it: masculinity has a surplus of resources (sperm), or it should, and femininity has limited resources (ovules), or it should. And this sets the basis for a holla lot of behavioral traits. Plus the femininity has to feed the baby and the masculinity should stay around to make war with external aggressors and protect her and the baby. Oh. Maybe that feeling, the whole thing, you can call love.
But we’re really talking instinct.
When you see a girl you like you get that boner or you dont. There’s no talking you into it. Or there shouldnt. But, let’s say you’re looking at a girl that doesnt particularly arouse you, until you see her naked, then wow! now we’re talking. But then she turns around and you see her ass and is ugly and has some weird shit on it, and your boner goes off. But then she comes closer with that look in her eyes etc? and the boner comes again. Or she goes away for a couple of years and comes back way prettier. Or, she was a very very pretty girl, and you see her years after and she’s jaded and gray, and uglier, and you feel pity instead of getting a boner. Sad right?
So what’s love have to do with it? nothing.
Girls are looking for Mr. Right. This is “the man” whos the best prospect, and who has chances of sticking around. However, girls usually have other people who can stick around for them, friends family the state etc. And thanks to feminism they dont need a man to stick around – they can make their own money and get the feed somewhere else. So mr. Right is, basically, the hottest, higher value, more fit man they can snatch RIGHT NOW.
Hypergamy for short term. Hypergamy without the sticking around part.
What’s love have to do with it? nothing.
Hormones, attraction, selection, screening, all the stuff that was there to increase your survival, all the pain and pleasure and the chemical cocktail.
It’s all about the sex. It is a highly emotional issue for girls. It’s all passional and breath taking, and feelings of “love” are in it, too. But it’s all about the sex. It’s about the survival. It’s your genes, talking the talk.
Men screen for the hottest girl, girls screen for the more fit man. And it’s all about the sex.
We’re basically a tournament species. We built a huge society that needs other arrangements… but at our core we’re still tournament. The guys compete. The girls cheer and build a net of chit chat and gossip so they can assess a general agreement, a safe-bet agreement, of who’s hot and who’s a creep. The girls cheer like crazy and faint for the stars. The guys lock down practicing and making money and trying to climb. The ones who succeed get big rewards. The winners are more attractive. The losers, nobody wants them. Some guys are born at the top and already attractive – and girls do faint for them, think of prince Harry, think of… you know. Some guys are born at the bottom and climb, and they also get faints and stuff as long as they werent too Omega or were able to climb enough to prove they belonged up there all the way.
We’re organized in a way where the winners are the most attractive. And, girls, or, the feminine, is built to screen for the traits the winners have. The result is that the vast majority of girls are screening for the top guys, and that’s it.
Got it? stop whining about hypergamy. For every girl who only feels attracted to the top guys and is rejecting beta nice guys… there’s a guy whos practicing and improving himself and trying to climb, so he becomes mr Right. We have hypergamy for the same reason we have the male sex drive and it’s desire to fight compete and climb. You wouldnt want this in any other way. Or I wouldnt.
So. Girls are screening for the guys at the top, and, the guys at the top have options, and, have more social value than the girls.
Say whatever you want about girls and stars and stuff. You know the maximum value a girl can have in the ladder, in the SMP, is being wanted. Girls value is being wanted, being spent into. By whom?
Top guy’s value is what they built. Not themselves, but their legacy, what they do, the value they represent. Then they sit at the top of their own mountain. The dude is the mountain.
Top girl’s value is being wanted and purchased by the top guys. Voilah. And top top guys can purchase more than one top girl.
Am I hurting your sensibilities again? Masculinity is about surplus, having it, producing it, and spending it. Look at Dicaprio. Remember when you felt more admiration for Brad Pitt before he decided to put all of his seeds in the same sack.
Femininity is about controlling and being wise with your limited resources, maximizing it’s value, attracting the best of the best seed. That’s why you get disgusted when you see a hot, hot girl, all drunk and messing around with a “loser”. You know she’s worth “more”.
So what’s love have to do with this? nothing.
When people talk about true love, the love in movies etc… they are usually talking about this mystical team and soul matey thing where people complement each other and bond for life and do all kind of marvellous things together. Eh. For two hours. Maybe it’ll get boring so let’s label it “and happy ever after… ” not much to tell?
There’s an angle, the spiritual one, which transcends the form, the shape of things and goes to the bone.
Unconditional love can be all ways of sick (love you and accept you even if you become an abusive drug addict kind of love), but, true love in its most abstract form is when this feeling of love just goes and surrenders and fills the other person without an ego on it, without a form, without a business. True love in it’s spiritual way is like giving all of your money to somebody, then doing it again, then doing it again.
Yes. So unconditional love can be stupid. Surrendering to true love and loving to its fullest, can be stupid. That’s why screening is so important. And if you plan on loving someone forever… screening is all. You have to screen for someone who’s not just going to take all of your gifts and leave you in the dumpster.
And screening isnt love. Screening is well, screening.
But, back to love.
TRUE LOVE AS SALVATION
What people really talk about when this “true love” comes in play, is acceptance. Is ego validation.
See. Only beta and nice guys talk about this shit. There’s a reason all the bullshit about true love and salvation has been written by male losers. Girls are not interested in true love. You dont see them chasing true love. But you see them chasing and finding and keeping mr Right. The “love” is just what they feel while they are chasing the WHOM.
True love is sold as finding the ONE. But, for women, this means screening one among MANY. It’s picking the best from the best among a surplus. Its ONE or… it’s gonna be some one else.
For men, it’s the opposite, it’s salvation, its ONE or nothing. ONE or disappearing.
… you get what Im getting at?
This is the killer:
Betas and nice guys and under are after true love – as a thing – because they dont have any other option.
Betas and nice guys need love, because true love is their only chance at survival if at all.
True love is the only REASON someone would want to be with them.
True love – finding a soul mate, is the only way they could attract a hot girl and pass their genes.
True love, because they are unattractive, but maybe there’s ONE girl that will see them.
Yes, that’s how scarce it is.
True love is, simply, salvation from the SMP.
True love, for a beta nice guy, is finding someone who loves them at expenses of their value in the SMP.
True love means someone who’s with you and sees value in you even when you dont find that value in yourself.
True love = you got lucky. Which is a shorty for “I dont know what the fuck is going on”
True love is for suckers.
Because while the beta nice guy is feeling lucky and thinks he found salvation and yada yada, the girl is all aware about his status of mr Right, knows where he fits, where he doesnt, where his strengths are, where his weakness are.
There’s no innocence about it.
You keep dreaming about true love while she’s taking this seriously. You keep being a romantic, where shes doing a real business here. A serious, make it or break it assessment. And she has to be cautious because she’s not feeling it. And since she’s not feeling it, she cant relax. So you dont “have” her after all. She had to settle – even if just for a short while – because the time ran out or her body told her so.
See. For girls, other than the kids if she has them, finding and bonding and pairing with mr Right is all that matters.
Sure, you can have “true love” when you’re in the union. You can exchange the sweet energy and couple and make the machine move and have a partnership. But with girls, the WHO is more important than the WHAT.
Guys have a surplus and can fool around. Heck. Some guys even have several families at the same time.
For girls this is deadly serious. Limited resources and investment.
LJBF -> STUD
You had a guy who was chasing her around, putting her on a pedestal and all. A guy putting her on a pedestal = needy = loser = unattractive, which just means SHE can do better.
See, the top guys that girls are after, have options, and options mean these top guys are not worried about “true love” being the “salvation”. The beautiful thing about the top guys is that, fuck, they SCREEN as well. Top guys can afford to have standards – thus, you being upset when they dont.
How does your concept of true love stand up against “screening” girls because you have too many options, and many of them could be “true love”, and, heck, you can have “true love” with several of them at the same time?
Do I hear some hearts cracking? don’t worry baby, it gets better.
So the top guys not only have a surplus of resources but also a surplus of options where to invest them. If you know about economy you’ll see that makes all these options have a diminished value, lower than if they were your only option or if you needed any specific one as “salvation”. Salvation from WHAT for God’s sake.
So the top guys have options. This translates to cockiness, to a stronger frame control, to stronger boundaries, to a lighter humor, to cruelty in some cases, to power, to abuse of power, to increased responsibility, to self autonomy, self reliance, to not caring about others, to being a badass, to having your own ideas and goals to be more important than everyone elses -> thus leading other men into reaching your goals. Etc.
And femininity is built to screen and be attracted and want to pair and bond and reproduce with such traits. Fuck love. The girl feels attracted to such traits, just like a guy gets a boner with a good ass and tits and an angelical face. Deal with it.
So, the guys at the top have options, and they screen back.
The process of screening girls back is called teasing / push pull / etc. When a girl finds a guy whos able to screen and is not just running, chasing after each girl, all desperate because he doesnt know better nor has better, she feels “fuck, finally I found a real man”
Which is all she really cared about.
Do you see it? a real man, mr Right, is also a guy who doesnt need and is not after real love, at least not in it’s salvation/needy form. A guy who screens back and can push back. A guy who might “want” real love, but who has it with a hefty price tag. And a price tag she has to pay for.
“All the other guys… try to chase her. But here’s her number, so call her, maybe.”
So back to topic. You had this guy who was chasing her -> showing her how little he’s worth and not reading her un-boner well, till the point she says “lets just be friends”. Then this guy cuts contact? resumes his life? shows her that he doesnt “need” her and is having fun? his OWN freaking fun?
That’s an immediate boost in value, because he doesnt need, doesnt supplicate, is having fun = has more resources, has more options, maybe he’s above her after all, and maybe if she comes back and says hi he is going to SCREEN her after all, instead of falling at her feet, and thus, below her.
Girls need a guy who stands up above of herself. Girls dont need men who put them on a pedestal etc. You knew that already.
So yes, the moment he drops the pedestal, she’ll want him more.
And that’s quite smart.
No. Did they tell you that love is when you need ONE girl and put her on a pedestal high enough so she can walk all over you, and you would be nothing nothing without her and you would move the earth just to she sees you? no bro. That’s not love. That’s how you talk and feel about a fucking superstar who’s NOT LOOKING BACK at you. That’s creep talk. Move on before the cops arrive.
SO WHY BOTHER WITH A LTR?
Short answer… yes why should you?
What do you want it for? to be accepted, to be loved, to be complemented, to have salvation? why are you that lonely?
We used to live in a world were we were groomed for marriage. We dont live in that world anymore. This is a double edge sword. On one hand you can do your own thing, increased freedom, more fun, less responsibility, and on the other hand:
One, that we’re not groomed for long term planning, we’re not groomed to develop character. This is a fucking serious business. Too much fun and too little responsibility = we’re prey for the system, and prey for the circumstances, and, frankly, as a whole we’re short sighted and idiotic.
And two: kids. Man. Kids needs parents. Kids need adults. Kids need stability, they dont need fractured homes with workaway parents and single moms with several boyfriends in a row who play dad. Kids need a dad. And a mom. And need to learn healthy boundaries and learn the mechanics of loving adults who respect and nourish and complement each other. They do. We dont have enough of them.
Well thanks feminism or whatever happened to destroy the nuclear family. In the name of all the kids in the world, fuck you.
But whatever, this is the reality we live now. If you want to build a nuclear family and have healthy kids, then you NEED to screen for a long term relationship. Forget about short term fun. Start screening for character and stuff now. NOW.
This isnt what girls are screening in their majority though. Girls dont need a man to stick around, see? they dont need you to be there and provide and be a dad. They only need the fun the rush and the money / sperm, if so.
So why you, as a man, would bother with a LTR? if you want a family right now, and you’re willing to screen out 99% of the girls out there, you have to bother with it. If you’re not, then you just shouldnt.
There’s no point to attempt an LTR in fun-screening world.
I mean. What is a LTR that you know is going to end. What makes it “long”? a year? two? how much are you willing to work and invest for a “long” relationship that has a short duration? why are you going there to begin with?
If you’re a beta nice guy, the response is: it’s your only chance to get some ass. Love and affection and stability and true match is all you can aspire to and is the only card you can play in this SMP. No body wants you but maybe ONE will. And since it’s your only card, its a limited resource, and you really need it and you’d be very lucky if it played out well. Fuck, it’s already on a pedestal.
In short, dont go there. Because when you become “lucky”, in reality you just found a girl who “settled” with you but aspires to more than you. A girl who’s still in screening mode. As she should. Because she shouldnt be with you to start with, but with mr Right, and she’s not there to help you become mr Right but to remind you every day that you’re not.
In an old fashioned world, or with an old fashioned guy and girl… screening helps to help your partner. The screening complements each other and saves the love and makes it stronger. She sees he’s not measuring up? she helps him. He sees she’s not taking care of herself (and becoming unattractive) he helps her. There are problems? each uses their intelligence instincts etc to sum. They take care of each other. Man this even brings a tear to my eye! it’s so romantic.
Have you ever seen this? yes? you want this? then drop the world and put all your pieces into a single purpose and find that one, screen the world out, drop current society. Find the one and be the one.
No? not ready to go there, not yet, not ever? is it too risky, improbable? then dont.
But as a man, whatever you choose to do, climb the ladder. Shut up, work your ass, and work the ladder. You were born here to compete and win. If you dont have the drive, cut whatever is sucking you out and find the drive. You’re here to climb that shit and own it. Just as girls are here to find mr Right. So be mr Right. The one you were born to be. Then shit get’s easy.
Become the king who owns the resources and pulls the strings and is a badass.
Then you might have true love, the one that doesnt require salvation.